[FRIAM] ;-) Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
sy at synapse9.com
Sun Sep 7 20:33:27 EDT 2008
(if pics don't travel, see link below) from Steve Kurtz
Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
SEPTEMBER 5, 2008 | <ttp://www.theonion.com/content/index/4436%22> ISSUE
Darwinic pilgrims claim the image fills them with an overwhelming feeling of
DAYTON, TN-A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in
this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of
Charles Darwin-author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern
evolutionary movement-made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.
"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify
her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg,
one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which
appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building
was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely
considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for
ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone
pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never
again be tested."
Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"
Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking-which appears to
resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large
beard-this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry.
Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology
department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light
devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage
to the mysterious blue-green stain.
Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have
sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the
thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for
sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the
"One True Beagle"-the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary
voyage to the Galapagos Islands-to lecture notes purportedly touched by
English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.
"I have never felt closer to Darwin's ideas," said zoologist Fred Granger,
who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. "May his name be praised
and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic
Despite the enthusiasm the so-called "Darwin Smudge" has generated among the
evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe
the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime
columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of
punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A
smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed
as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series
Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.
Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that
there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the
"It's a stain on a wall, and nothing more," said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a
professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary
theory. "Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist
mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a
baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error
of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His
But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their
belief that natural selection-a process by which certain genes are favored
over others less conducive to survival-is the one and only creator of life
as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting
"To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching
evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we
say, 'Look upon the face of Darwin!'" said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along
with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil
at the site for the past 72 hours.
"Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one
species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to
one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin's
glorious countenance," Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.
"It's a miracle," she added.
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