[FRIAM] definition of "gaslighting"

[Marcus Daniels]

The gas leak example rings true.   I don’t pay much attention to odors and am repeatedly alerted to the possibility that the furnace pilot light could be out.   But the pilot light is rarely out, and my task is to accept that there is a smell (which I cannot detect) but that it may have some other meaning.   It is not gaslighting to question that, although I do somethings get frustrated responses “Why are you questioning me??!!”  On one occasion, for example, it has turned out there was spoiled fruit on a high shelf.

Conversely, I struggle competing models of consequential social situations.    I sometimes dig far too deep into certain hypotheses and extend the evidence too far.   Sometimes if I share my detailed hypotheses (a.k.a. paranoia), I get a gentle or less-gentle “Are you __sure__?”   (Do the probabilities in my decision tree have too-large of standard deviations?)  Also not gaslighting.

Gaslighting is not just questioning perceptions or reasoning, it is the systematic denigration of every perception and argument or malicious purposes.   The Fake News thing is a form of gaslighting.

Marcus

From: Friam [mailto:friam-bounces at redfish.com] On Behalf Of Nick Thompson
Sent: Tuesday, October 17, 2017 12:04 PM
To: 'The Friday Morning Applied Complexity Coffee Group' <friam at redfish.com>
Subject: [FRIAM] definition of "gaslighting"

In case I am not the only one!  By the way, Dave will like this:  Note the bimodality of the word’s usage, the metaphorical use peaking more than years after the primary use.

Nick

[cid:image001.jpg at 01D34742.0FF674E0]

Nicholas S. Thompson
Emeritus Professor of Psychology and Biology
Clark University
http://home.earthlink.net/~nickthompson/naturaldesigns/

From: Friam [mailto:friam-bounces at redfish.com] On Behalf Of Marcus Daniels
Sent: Tuesday, October 17, 2017 11:46 AM
To: The Friday Morning Applied Complexity Coffee Group <friam at redfish.com<mailto:friam at redfish.com>>
Subject: Re: [FRIAM] Truth: “Hunh! What is it good for? Absolutely Nothing!”

Roger writes:

“This brought me to the idea that our primary form of social interaction is gas lighting each other.  Not in the sense that we are trying to drive each other crazy by hiding evidence of the truth, but because we are continually trying to persuade each other of truths.”

We hear complaints here periodically about how annoying it is that people are `pithy’.  First of all, let’s separate situations in which autonomy is desired and attention is scarce, from willing participation in a discussion.   In the first circumstance, being pithy is a way of communicating “Please leave me the f*** alone.”, or  I have no time (or limited time) for this.”   It is deliberately to flow-regulate communication bandwidth because the utility seems to be low.

Then there is are situations as in this article, in which it is hard to exhibit skepticism because it is posed as horrible -- a dystopian misogynistic insight into the male brain that cannot be qualified or deconstructed.   The Trump Access Hollywood tape was similar because it was put out as if it was sufficient evidence and not just evidence – to me it was more the campaign’s immediate absence of shame or regret that made it clear it was true this is how he thinks, and of course evidence from other women that came later.   He used it to consolidate consensus amongst his ranks by normalizing it, which is shocking in how well that worked.

I think women are often thought to be the usual victims of gas lighting, but I would say the reverse happens under the guise of  hypothetical or anecdotal male motivations like in the article.   (As opposed to childish nervous humor that can arise in awkward or overwhelming situations.)   Is it surprising that some men are accused “You are bad, despicable, untrustworthy and mean”, that they just don’t respond very well?   There’s an appropriate amount of accusation, and it needs to be followed by consideration of counter-argument.  (In this case, say, the possibility that husband had real terror over the degree of an apparent injury.)   When that back and forth doesn’t happen, then people just start gas lighting one another, and divisions deepen.
This also reminds me of the objection to safe spaces at universities and the (supposed) danger of protecting snowflakes who should protect themselves by engaging in argument.  But in that situation the real question is who has the power and whether it is being used to intimidate.   If there are minority groups of people that have no way to speak without being ganged-up on and humiliated, yes, they do deserve protection by university policy, or at least some edgy bodyguards.   But if they are just white guys spouting far-right garbage in a conservative, white-dominated community, no they do not need protection by policy.  They are already safe.

I spent much time as young person hanging out in the university park blocks going after the Christian apologists.  But they were the ones gas lighting the passers-by.   Being an anti- gas lighter – a demolisher of belief -- is not being a gas lighter.   The complement of the gas-lighted message and it is a bigger, freer space, not a manipulation of innocents.

Marcus
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