[FRIAM] Posts from the Scotts

[Marcus Daniels]

"She told me that sometimes she needed her boyfriend to do some favor for her, and he wouldn’t, so she would cry – not as an attempt to manipulate him, just because she was sad. She counted this as abuse, because her definition of “abuse” is “something that makes your partner feel bad about setting boundaries”. And when she cried, that made her boyfriend feel guilty about his boundary that he wasn’t going to do the favor. "

Needs context.  Suppose the boyfriend could get fired for providing the `favor' and she doesn't get a needed medical treatment unless he gets paid.   Self-indulgent crying would represent a lack of self-control that could destabilize the relationship.   It's abuse in the same sense that drug or alcohol abuse could destabilize a relationship.    The boyfriend could manage the issue, but at some point it stops being a relationship and more care of an adult dependent.

Marcus